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Thursday, August 18, 2011
me write blog.
As amazingly articulate as it sounds, yes, I do. Welcome! I'm just making this my own. When I say "my own" it will be absolutely ridiculous. Though, now, I am going to start doing more posts. Short quips, if you will, about the undiscovered, unimaginable life that I am currently taking from the universe. Thanks to good friends and even better drinks, I'm sure you'll see something you like and I don't have any expectations so read away, you reader.
Friday, June 24, 2011
A Good Love Story Has No Time Limit/Good Love Stories Have No Time Limit (My Monologue)
Now that I am getting older, well my mid twenties, I can't see the horizon as clearly as I could before I met you. I didn't even want you in the beginning, because I wanted this time to be different and it was, but now I can't stop thinking about how happy you are with out me.
I've never felt like I wanted to cry all the time, but held it in, until today, all while you were getting settled for the second time in LA... If you think about it, its like you got the chance to go back in time and you got to choose the path you didn't take the first time, except you still met me and you still left me and I feel all the repercussions of your decision. Thats not how I was told time travel works. Lets just say I wish it was that way so I wouldn't have to remember you, just like you'll forget me.
I still have yet to see your face since I dropped you off at the airport. I honestly feel like it isn't real. Like I am in a bad dream where I can't get to you and I am watching from Facebook like its the other side of a mirror. You and I, we weren't finished. I can feel it pump through me like a light that starts in my lungs and makes it down to my toes and all the way thru to my eyes, but turns out those are just tears. Not because you hurt me by doing wrong, but in fact, you have broken my heart. I didn't realize how invested I was. Yet I do remember all the new things I tried with you in a relationship and they were working and I know you felt it too until I let you go on the plane. So really I am back to our "self destructing ways." Its my fault I couldn't convince you to stay with me. I knew you felt more with me, than anyone in a long time, you just went back to a familiar area and a familiar face. You were so close to embracing something different and better, but you went back for "history."
I keep thinking of when we will see each other again. Will I rush a speech and ruin something we might of had as friends? Or will I wait for you to speak to me? I wish I could think of a way where we both walk away satisfied, knowing we loved. I wish that was all I needed and you wish it was all you had to do, because, unlike me, you keep having luck and haven't been out of a relationship since you were in your teens...
I know my honesty isn't something you really want now, you'd want me to lie to you and tell you I hate you for what you did to me because that would be the easy way out. The truth is the world isn't big enough to get away from each other.
I cried when I left you at the airport, not because I was sad that you would be gone for "only a month," no, it was because I felt you pull away from me, like the last time we would ever see each other. I knew it was the end, its the reality. I finally wanted to commit to someone, and for me, that was a feat. And in my mind I had, but you got what you wanted.
You said I made your night, the last night you were in town. You saw me from across the bar as you were surrounded by other women and you looked me dead in the eye and parted them like you couldn't be away from me for a minute longer, following the day before you said I was your girlfriend, you "movie momented" that all on your own. All of this was/is a huge deal to me, more than anything since this other boy named Conor, whom in the long run also let me down, five years ago. So I guess what I really want to say is that I don't trust anyone easily and since you made me feel safe with you I feel betrayed by you. You can't say sorry enough for something so deep. So I have decided I can't be your friend, at least not currently. But my fault for not leaving you in the first place when you gave that waiter money for talking to me like a whore. You didn't have my back then and I should have known then, but I wanted you to prove me wrong and that night in your van after Chris', you did! However, I did finally realize the night before you're last night in LA, at my show, the picture, the phone call, everything was all wrong. I couldn't stand it. So I decided I was just going to have fun with you one more time, you're the only one who would come to the dance floor with me and be as carefree as me. I could scream until my lungs dry out that I wish you would change your mind, but you wouldn't hear me. I love you. I read somewhere to say how you feel so you won't regret not saying it, I believe them.
Truth be told, I really wish I got the chance to say this to you in person.
So as I sit here and still get butterflies when I think about you a jillion times a day, I know I won't ever have what we had again...
But...
Wholeheartedly, I would do it all over again, but better, of course.
I've never felt like I wanted to cry all the time, but held it in, until today, all while you were getting settled for the second time in LA... If you think about it, its like you got the chance to go back in time and you got to choose the path you didn't take the first time, except you still met me and you still left me and I feel all the repercussions of your decision. Thats not how I was told time travel works. Lets just say I wish it was that way so I wouldn't have to remember you, just like you'll forget me.
I still have yet to see your face since I dropped you off at the airport. I honestly feel like it isn't real. Like I am in a bad dream where I can't get to you and I am watching from Facebook like its the other side of a mirror. You and I, we weren't finished. I can feel it pump through me like a light that starts in my lungs and makes it down to my toes and all the way thru to my eyes, but turns out those are just tears. Not because you hurt me by doing wrong, but in fact, you have broken my heart. I didn't realize how invested I was. Yet I do remember all the new things I tried with you in a relationship and they were working and I know you felt it too until I let you go on the plane. So really I am back to our "self destructing ways." Its my fault I couldn't convince you to stay with me. I knew you felt more with me, than anyone in a long time, you just went back to a familiar area and a familiar face. You were so close to embracing something different and better, but you went back for "history."
I keep thinking of when we will see each other again. Will I rush a speech and ruin something we might of had as friends? Or will I wait for you to speak to me? I wish I could think of a way where we both walk away satisfied, knowing we loved. I wish that was all I needed and you wish it was all you had to do, because, unlike me, you keep having luck and haven't been out of a relationship since you were in your teens...
I know my honesty isn't something you really want now, you'd want me to lie to you and tell you I hate you for what you did to me because that would be the easy way out. The truth is the world isn't big enough to get away from each other.
I cried when I left you at the airport, not because I was sad that you would be gone for "only a month," no, it was because I felt you pull away from me, like the last time we would ever see each other. I knew it was the end, its the reality. I finally wanted to commit to someone, and for me, that was a feat. And in my mind I had, but you got what you wanted.
You said I made your night, the last night you were in town. You saw me from across the bar as you were surrounded by other women and you looked me dead in the eye and parted them like you couldn't be away from me for a minute longer, following the day before you said I was your girlfriend, you "movie momented" that all on your own. All of this was/is a huge deal to me, more than anything since this other boy named Conor, whom in the long run also let me down, five years ago. So I guess what I really want to say is that I don't trust anyone easily and since you made me feel safe with you I feel betrayed by you. You can't say sorry enough for something so deep. So I have decided I can't be your friend, at least not currently. But my fault for not leaving you in the first place when you gave that waiter money for talking to me like a whore. You didn't have my back then and I should have known then, but I wanted you to prove me wrong and that night in your van after Chris', you did! However, I did finally realize the night before you're last night in LA, at my show, the picture, the phone call, everything was all wrong. I couldn't stand it. So I decided I was just going to have fun with you one more time, you're the only one who would come to the dance floor with me and be as carefree as me. I could scream until my lungs dry out that I wish you would change your mind, but you wouldn't hear me. I love you. I read somewhere to say how you feel so you won't regret not saying it, I believe them.
Truth be told, I really wish I got the chance to say this to you in person.
So as I sit here and still get butterflies when I think about you a jillion times a day, I know I won't ever have what we had again...
But...
Wholeheartedly, I would do it all over again, but better, of course.
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Thursday, June 23, 2011
The Reason, or Is There Always A Reason?
All I can say to the boys who dedicated Otowns 'all or nothing' to me, is thank you for noticing... I wanna cuss, but I know it would feel unnatural. I just wish it wasn't so obvious... god, I know you have nothing to do with love, but could you not send it my way anymore, I'm tired and worn out from doing everything right and still not being the one. What is happening?
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Saturday, May 14, 2011
Me, Working Hard.
"Although native to beautiful Colorado, Ilissa Mayrose could not be in a better place that matches her wit, charm, beauty and humor quite like Los Angeles. Ilissa's main focus is Dancing and Modeling, but with a Bachelors in Film she likes to say she's the 'Jane of all trades.' Her talents include acting, dancing, singing, makeup, gymnastics, modeling and even truck driving! She is the alternative girl next door with amazing tattoos and an even more amazing smile! Her philosophy: 'live the life you've imagined.'
She performs at the The Whisky a Go Go , as BLUSH Go Go, on the weekends and is also known as Rosie Reform in the Rock n Roll Burlesque troupe 'The Pinup Girls; created by Julia 'Vixen' Romeo. They perform at the Viper Room and King King.
She loves karaoke almost as much as she loves a good cheeseburger! Ilissa also enjoys good and bad horror flicks. Ilissa is the next best thing to hit Hollywood, so keep an eye for this starlet! She's gonna be breakin hearts and taking names."
-LA...Xpress Magazine
Ilissa Mayrose
Dancer//Singer//Makeup//Model
illdescript16@gmail.com
Hollywood, CA
Twitter
ModelMayhem Model Page
ModelMayhem Makeup Page
Ilissa Mayrose Undiscovered Blog
CURRENTLY:
Go Go Dancer for The World Famous Whisky a Go Go as Blush Go Go!
Dances Every Weekend and Has A Main Show once a Month, Starting Back Up in The End Of June!!! Come See Whisky a Go Go Girls!!!
Burlesque Dancer/Choreographer, Rosie Reform, for The Pinup Girls! You can buy tickets for our shows on our website: The Pinup Girls. You get a discount for buying them online or from your friendly neighborhood Pinup Girl! "Purchase Tickets!"
She performs at the The Whisky a Go Go , as BLUSH Go Go, on the weekends and is also known as Rosie Reform in the Rock n Roll Burlesque troupe 'The Pinup Girls; created by Julia 'Vixen' Romeo. They perform at the Viper Room and King King.
She loves karaoke almost as much as she loves a good cheeseburger! Ilissa also enjoys good and bad horror flicks. Ilissa is the next best thing to hit Hollywood, so keep an eye for this starlet! She's gonna be breakin hearts and taking names."
-LA...Xpress Magazine
Ilissa Mayrose
Dancer//Singer//Makeup//Model
illdescript16@gmail.com
Hollywood, CA
ModelMayhem Model Page
ModelMayhem Makeup Page
Ilissa Mayrose Undiscovered Blog
CURRENTLY:
Go Go Dancer for The World Famous Whisky a Go Go as Blush Go Go!
Dances Every Weekend and Has A Main Show once a Month, Starting Back Up in The End Of June!!! Come See Whisky a Go Go Girls!!!
Burlesque Dancer/Choreographer, Rosie Reform, for The Pinup Girls! You can buy tickets for our shows on our website: The Pinup Girls. You get a discount for buying them online or from your friendly neighborhood Pinup Girl! "Purchase Tickets!"
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Don't Think, Not Right Now. (NOTE TO SELF)
How come I can only see what I want to see in cute photos of beautifully, happy couples? Obviously they don't take pictures of the hard times, the fights, the terrible txt messages, or the thoughts like "why hasn't he called?" or "she couldn't possibly be into me."
Isn't it a terrible feeling when you have the best, mutual, time together and then one side decides its break time? No. Shame on you, what did I say in the title??? "Don't think, Not right now," this is not the time to think. This is the time to show each other your independence and interest in one another.
You know what's a dirty, awful, terrible, "you do it all the time because you're human," word is? Over-analyze... I shutter at the thought! The best part is, we don't have to... You do it because you want to. You want to find a flaw before you can fully trust the other person. Unfortunately you are on a path of self sabotage, destruction. Cool your jets! Pump the breaks! Be kind... rewind. You know a better way to focus your newly found infatuation/love/friendship energy is? ME neither, but I'm working on it. Everyone is different. I accept that and I shall move forward. I have been wanting to get back into... oh wait, back to my point...
The only reason you want to hear from your soon to be counter part is so that you feel relieved that they are thinking about you too. Trust that. HAVE FAITH! Chances are they can't wait to see you as much as you can't wait to see them. (Even if you got a txt that showed absolutely no interest in your plans for the day... so what, who cares. ) They're busy, and you should be too!
Think happy thoughts! Don't put so much pressure on yourself. Analyze you instead and be who you want to be. "You're on the right track, baby, cause you were born this way."
xoxo
illdescript
ps... Just incase it was unclear, I am thinkin about ya!
Isn't it a terrible feeling when you have the best, mutual, time together and then one side decides its break time? No. Shame on you, what did I say in the title??? "Don't think, Not right now," this is not the time to think. This is the time to show each other your independence and interest in one another.
You know what's a dirty, awful, terrible, "you do it all the time because you're human," word is? Over-analyze... I shutter at the thought! The best part is, we don't have to... You do it because you want to. You want to find a flaw before you can fully trust the other person. Unfortunately you are on a path of self sabotage, destruction. Cool your jets! Pump the breaks! Be kind... rewind. You know a better way to focus your newly found infatuation/love/friendship energy is? ME neither, but I'm working on it. Everyone is different. I accept that and I shall move forward. I have been wanting to get back into... oh wait, back to my point...
The only reason you want to hear from your soon to be counter part is so that you feel relieved that they are thinking about you too. Trust that. HAVE FAITH! Chances are they can't wait to see you as much as you can't wait to see them. (Even if you got a txt that showed absolutely no interest in your plans for the day... so what, who cares. ) They're busy, and you should be too!
Think happy thoughts! Don't put so much pressure on yourself. Analyze you instead and be who you want to be. "You're on the right track, baby, cause you were born this way."
xoxo
illdescript
ps... Just incase it was unclear, I am thinkin about ya!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Music.
This morning I have made it official. I am being haunted.
I had a terrible night sleep, kept seeing shadows move and let my imagination runaway. I had this terrible feeling to fall asleep and wander away from my body. I prayed and tried to keep my dream world separate. It worked for a little while, then I finally passed out.
I woke up, everything was normal. I am staying at a friends, Zach, he decides to take my dog out for a walk. We had just got done discussing what movie we would watch and decided on Tangled. He leaves. I go to take a shower. I heard a recorded sound of a tiny, old piano. I thought "oh, I've seen Tangled. No big deal if he started without me." The music stopped when I came out the bathroom. The TV was off and Zach nor my dog were even in the apartment. I am trying to be strong. I never thought this shit was real.
I can feel someone always near me, the sound waves to my ears bend and I can feel eyes on me.
I know its not the house. Because I have lived in 4 different areas in the last 6 months and stuff like this happened at each place. How do I make it stop?
Right now, Murphy is currently watching the ceiling and jolts his head from one side of the room to the other.
Help me.
I had a terrible night sleep, kept seeing shadows move and let my imagination runaway. I had this terrible feeling to fall asleep and wander away from my body. I prayed and tried to keep my dream world separate. It worked for a little while, then I finally passed out.
I woke up, everything was normal. I am staying at a friends, Zach, he decides to take my dog out for a walk. We had just got done discussing what movie we would watch and decided on Tangled. He leaves. I go to take a shower. I heard a recorded sound of a tiny, old piano. I thought "oh, I've seen Tangled. No big deal if he started without me." The music stopped when I came out the bathroom. The TV was off and Zach nor my dog were even in the apartment. I am trying to be strong. I never thought this shit was real.
I can feel someone always near me, the sound waves to my ears bend and I can feel eyes on me.
I know its not the house. Because I have lived in 4 different areas in the last 6 months and stuff like this happened at each place. How do I make it stop?
Right now, Murphy is currently watching the ceiling and jolts his head from one side of the room to the other.
Help me.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Anyone else watch dog movies with their dog?
Here we are! All dogs go to heaven!
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