Sunday, March 24, 2013

Unsettled

The trick is when you let other people, who you've gotten to know for a couple months, into your life without taking a quiz or a bar exam(which, btw, is a fantastic idea!), and they end up doing things you didn't think we're humanly possible. Such as hurt you.

'This can't be, it took us so long to even get to know each other, why would other people say that about us?' There, right there... OTHER people.

Though I am over it, mostly. The hardest part I've come to realize is the couple of people who involved themselves without asking. Then you find out they tell your closest friend a bunch of crap that didn't even happen. This part is not only hilarious, but frustrating at the same time. Although it is obvious why I received so many gifts.

Furthermore, I've decided that's it, enough with letting people believe they are liked. If you feel the cold shoulder or a hint of indescribable sarcasm, you, my not so good friend, are not someone I like.

The past is the past, yes, but when you hear that you've been wronged too many times by the same person, it's time to let them know, for your own benefit. Who gives a fuck how they feel afterwards, they are the ones who lied and cheated.
Duh...

Monday, November 5, 2012

The holidays

I hate em. I always put effort into the wrong things and there's always a male in my life around this time that I shouldn't give two shits about but end up bending in every direction I can for them.

Not this year. I will kiss a girl on New Years if it comes down to it.

My heart wants to be in love and I have to keep telling it to wait. It hates me for it most of the time, but this time it realizes why it needs to spend time out in a corner. 'You love too hard' said a good friend of mine. So I've decided that I have expectations now and you can thank the ones before. I am done just going with the flow. Men don't want that anyway. If you thought anything was hard in life be forewarned that I am not an exception to that rule anymore. If you don't want to spend your time with me then you can suck it. And if I get s txt saying you're sorry you can for sure assume the position to fuck yourself. Words do not speak louder than actions. Recognize, live it love it.

In the spirit of giving I will promise one thing; to give to whom deserve and to stay neutral and use avoidance to those you do not.

Happy holidays, 2012 is coming to an end, I cannot wait for the year that I can say 'I wish [this year]it would never end.' But for now, lets get this bullshit over and done with.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

A little vacation, a little inspiration.

The poop shoot has filled and I've brushed off all the shit and emptied the garbage. It'd be a tragedy to let myself lead the life I am in Vegas. It's been 'step on me here' and 'leave my heart there' and every sad song on repeat. Last night I sang like I should have been singing all this time... 25. Lessons like algebra that I have taken more than twice, yet the 20's are made for making mistakes. I have been refusing to learn which brings me to the saying I hate the most, "laugh like you've never cried, love like you've never been hurt." Though we try to go through life as though we haven't been judged, mistreated, broken, miserable, dead inside or hungry... I'm eating now. More things in love need to be taken less seriously. I can repeat this in my head as much as possible and still have a hard time believing. It's gonna be scary the moment I believe in myself.

All dreams aside, I'm going to go back to taking every opportunity that invokes any and all my loves. For movies, dancing, singing and stand up. One day my story will involve all of these things because I can't do it all, but I can do all I can to do what I want.

My ending for today is this; I want a love story, a love to write about, a love to keep secret for myself to figure out and there will be nothing tragic about it. Just a love story, not just a story.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

I've lost it...

I've lost the reason I left Los Angeles! I was only supposed to be in Vegas for 3 months... I was supposed to be dancing for an agency. I was supposed to find. 6 month lease. I was supposed to save money to move back to LA and get an agent/manager and continue with stand up. I was supposed to be back for my girls in the pinup troupe. I was supposed to be back to help my girls I lived with who I miss terribly. I was supposed to marry the man of my dreams after e saw me doing so well. I was supposed to do a lot of things....

I'm a little disappointed in myself for many reasons.. Obviously. I need to get my head back in the game and figure some shit out. Where Dino wanna be in 5 years? What am I doing in Vegas? Why am I staying in Vegas? Why haven't I saved as much as I thought I was going to? Why did I let some many people into my life so easily just to watch them easily leave...?

I was told today by an idol of mine that I make excuses. And the first step to recovery is admitting your faults... I am content with where I am but got too comfortable and I have made a ton of excuses... It's time to stop and make some changes.

I also have met a bunch of people I really like and look forward to seeing everyday. I appreciate you all and I hope I have made you feel good whilst around me.

It's time to literally kick myself in the ass and woman up, yes woman up bc every time I say man up... Nothing gets done.

Ha. Stand up here I come for word domination. Fuck everything else(except dance, gonna Ty and incorporate that too)


Monday, August 20, 2012

The insignificance of being 'strong'

This was a post from a friend. The grammar is horrible, but that is not the biggest issue. If you honestly believe you are strong bc you save your tears for later, you are weaker than you think. Here is my take below.

Monday, April 9, 2012

A Little Bit Abrassive

I am becoming more and more aware of human interaction as you swim by in your mid twenties.  I have been searching for a photographer\ friend to help me on projects.  One for some reason I always feel selfish.  I would like to get back into the modeling thing, but I am a bit skeptical when it comes to online posts.  Why is everyone so up front about having their time wasted? First of all, if you are posting tfp or tfcd then you probably have no right to inform your future potential clients  with how uncaring and unsympathetic you are immediately when asking for them to do something for free.  Its made no sence to me.  Blah blah blah, who cares, unless its a planned shoot with equiptment no one can afford then quit your bitching and just be nicer in your posts.  People are not going to take those posts lightly bc if they were smart and had any idea what they wanted out of the session, you wont be getting very many reliable clients.  I personally believe it to be rude and unprofessional to call out your future clients before you've even had the chance to discuss the project.  Oh, and one more thing, quit posting info-less statements.  Be a little more descriptive when you`re looking for professionals and not murder victims.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Viva Las Vegas

Welcome to the city of sin!  Man oh boy have I already got into the thick of things in the short time I've been a resident here in the city of lies, money and more lies.  Its not as bad as it sounds though, no seriously, its probably one of the best times I've had. 

Now coming from Los Angeles, CA I have had the pleasure of working with and for major motion pictures, music videos and concert venues galore.  So I've seen and heard and experienced a lifetime of disappointment, tragedy, lost, heartbreak and homelessness.  Yep, I've done it all.  And now that I have come to one of the biggest party cities in the entire world, I've learned more in the last month about myself and society than in the last 7 years of my adulthood.  Get rich or die trying wasn't only fascinating words from Sir 50 cent, but they are words to kill by out here.

Don't get me wrong, if I was swept off my feet in the right manner where I didn't meet a guy thru mutual friends and since he grabs their asses to be cute, its totally cool to grab me in the same manner. (Don't worry darlin, its gonna get better).  But for now, all I've learned to focus on is making money and sleep.  Both are high priority in my life since I've decided to put myself first finally. 

Although I may seem bitter and resentful with rage due to my life and times in Hollywood Highhhhh, I can assure you its well deserving and justified, ask anyone close to me.

Now to the good stuff.  You've heard every horror story you can possibly come by from all over Vegas.  The way you have to barter to get into clubs, the infamous shows, the day after a Vegas wedding nightmare, the taxi drivers who will run you over without thinking twice about it, and lastly the stripclubs and the 'happy ending' bars.  I can tell you right now, its all true.  Whether you chose to accept my word or not, I don't give a fuck anymore.

My life right now consists of Go Go competitions that are rigged, Blackjack school where they can't place me in 80% of the casinos because I'm 'too big" and my tattoos are too visable, dance rehearsals 3 times a week, running almost everyday and a spa that is under sketchy circumstances, but I am 100% positive its totally legal.  So far, I have plenty of stories from each, but this is just the introduction to my new life. 

Ill leave you with this bit of knowledge.  Even though everyone wants the best for you, what they really want is for you to have your own money, especially your parents.  So do whatever you have to to make a living!  You can dance on your down time and facebook when you have something great to share, but don't waste away on your computer.  I did that for so long and now I can say that I am honestly attempting to live the life I've imagined.  You have to plant your goal to reach it... Plan! Focus! Execute! Party!  In that mutha fuckin order!


Plus, come visit me in Vegas.  You won't spend as much as you think.  :)


Xo bitches


Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4